Notes On

Monday, August 30, 2010


I just realize, what I can mark about the farewells, only the first farewell. Our farewell. It hurts, the sadness followed after. The tears, of course.
The events of separating, departing, leaving behind, saying goodbye to someone, or something after that very first one event, become the awkward repetitions.
As it is with ours, in most of situations, I knew it will happen. In most of the case, it's about waiting, nothing else. Somehow, as hard as I can, I'd tried to deny it. And I find it useless. It gives unnecessary pain.

Trying hard to deny the farewell it's like piling up the "today's chores" into its limit, and put the best effort to live a lie. Time contribute nothing but pain to it. What really hurts then is to realize that somehow I know it will happen, but I just too stubborn to acknowledge it. And when I was nurturing that stupidity, I had wasted the best seasons, moments life has. The fact that the best portion had been offered to me all that time, hurt more. 
Stupid, isn't it? It's an intellectual abuse. I did it to me.

When you're into something, or being with someone, it's not about how long the togetherness take to make the farewell unbearable. It's about the expectation of togetherness. My pains and hurts came from wrong expectations, no doubt.

Farewell is inevitable. I do want NOT to see my self keep running down the "it should be me" track, but at the start line of new running track. Track of expanding, learning, multiplying of self.

I decide to move on, and grow.

1 comment:

  1. i think it's never the farewell that makes us sad, it's our expectation that-it-shall-never-come doing it. and also the regrets that we never truly enjoy the "quality" of the moments, fearing the farewell to ever come (and indeed it will eventually).

    then i agree, why not moving on, growing? opening new possibilities, for more farewells to come, embracing it, without blaming the final end....

    but will it ever be easy?